It's Funny How Things Worked Out
by orphan mia
Summary: Beetlejuice is doing community serviec after waiting for years in the social services waiting room. While he's cleaning tiles, the oddest things happens. Someone summons him. BJ/Lydia. Read and Review


It's Funny How Things Worked Out

A/N: Wow. I've lost my mind. Obviously, this is the first Beetlejuice fanfiction I have ever written, so here it goes. I'm open to all kinds of reviews, even flames, though I find constructive criticism more helpful. So, please Read and Review!

I

It's funny how things work out. I picked a beetle leg out of my teeth, flicking it into the bucket in front of me. There is nothing I _hate _more than community service. My shoes were too tight and the clothes they made me wear... ugh! Disgusting, even for me!

Juno never did have good taste. I mopped the floors of the Afterlife, my eternal hell-hole. It was when I got to black tile number four hundred and fifty-six when I felt _it_. My name. Someone was saying _my name._

It was the best thing I'd felt in... ages. But I frowned even as delicious chills jumped up my spine at the repetition. One more to go. I had time to scowl, dropping the mop. _Who would possibly call me?_

I blinked just as I felt a rough yank at the base of my spine. My eyes opened to a dark and slightly dusty room. I won't admit that I was confused, but I do admit that I was slightly unsettled by the absence of... a person.

II

Stuffing my hands in my pockets, I swaggered to have a quick look around. Spider webs were _everywhere. _I grinned. I loved it already. Then something odd caught my eyes and ears.

First, I saw a small model town. A growl that I didn't even know I had passed my lips as I heard a soft, delicate sob. I knew who it was before I saw the miserable brat.

_Lydia Deetz. _

My dead intestines twisted at the thought of her. _That bitch..._

"**No!" **I almost jumped. Almost. I narrowed my green eyes to see her bolt upright in a bed that I hadn't noticed before. Her tears were fresh and the adrenalin she emitted made my mouth water. She began rubbing her red, puffy eyes when I stepped into her field of vision. Her heart skipped a beat. "W-Why are you...?"

I tried not to sneer.

"You called me. Three times, remember?"

She shook her pale, pretty face.

"I-I was... sleeping..."

Ah. Nightmare.

"Well, as you can see," I motioned to the nasty, dull uniform I was wearing, "I've got a lot of work to do. Say it three times and let me mop in peace." She looked away. I tapped my foot impatiently. _"Come on! _Say my goddamned name!"

Her tears were gone. They were replaced by a solemn stare.

"You're... you're really here?" Her hand reached out, her fingers running over my shirt's cheap fabric. "I... I..." She rushed forward, the sheets falling off of her body. I had no idea what was going to happen, but my last guess was that she was going to hug me. "You're not exorcized, right?"

I let out a short, humorless laugh.

"What? No!" She released me, tugging her oversized black tee-shirt. "What do you care anyways, babes?"

Lydia stared at me as though I had taken a shower.

"That's horrible. I wouldn't wish that on _anybody._ Even you."

"But I tried to marry you."

"You saved Barbara and Adam." She game me an astonishingly ghostly smile. "You're still a jerk, but you're not _that _evil."

I tried to look jumpy and stupid, but only ended up seeming worn out.

"Don't say stuff like that, babes. You're gonna ruin my reputation." My hands broke out into a cold sweat as I stared at the model town. "Were you dreaming about me?"

Her dark brown eyes flickered away from mine. Just for a moment, but long enough to count.

"I... instead of Adam and Barbara... it was you up there... dying."

Bile threatened to burst from my mouth. Rushes of salt water flooded my senses and I turned away.

"Send me home. Please."

The courteous word slipped out of my mouth before I had a chance to slaughter the pitiful thing. I heard her switch weight from one foot to the other.

"Beetlejuice."

I clenched my fists, fighting down the urge to expel vomit all over her room.

"Beetlejuice."

Her voice was soft. I turned around, just as she took the breath for my departure.

"Lydia."

"Beetlejuice!"

III

Juno was waiting for me. I smelled the cigarettes before I landed. Her beady eyes glared at me as I reached for the mop, spreading out liquid over black tile number four hundred fifty-seven.

"Where the hell did you go?"

Four hundred fifty-eight.

"It doesn't matter. I'm back now."

Four hundred fifty-nine.

"It _does _matter! If the council knew—"

"The council can't do shit if I didn't _do_ anything."

Four hundred sixty. Juno crossed her arms, not wanting to straight out say that I was right. She disappeared, and I began on tile number four hundred sixty-one.

Breath tickled the back of my neck. I turned around, raising an eyebrow as warmth seeped all the way down to my toes. Oh, one more call and I would be gone again. I was no longer sick, a feral grin on my face when I was whisked away back to the dark room in the Land of the Living.

Lydia stood there, her arms crossed. I grinned at her puzzled expression, though I would be lyin' if I said I had any sort of clue as to why I she summoned me _again._ She tilted her head downward, her hair falling in front of her one eye. Sheesh, that girl _had _grown. She was almost as tall as me! The Ghost with the Most!

Funny thing was, we didn't say anything. Lydia was staring at me almost as shamelessly as I was eyein' her. I picked some lint off of the cruddy uniform. She tried to press out the wrinkles on her tee shirt. I leered at her. She stuck her tongue out.

I'm not sure what she wanted. Maybe she was trying to prove to herself that she wasn't scared of me anymore. Or for me. She must have been convincing herself that I was alive (okay, not alive) but certainly not exorcized. Hell, this all could have been a part of her teenage rebellion.

She still said nothing.

Though I may just be the _best_ poltergeist around, I began to wonder how long she was going to keep me here. Sure, I could go off, but even I didn't want to scrub the tiles of the Afterlife any longer than I _had_ to.

"Babes?"

"Yeah?"

"You strike me as intelligent, so why on earth would you call me back?"

Thunder began to crackle, a flash of lightening making her eyes spark. It made me think about the good old days, back when I was able to _make_ storms happen so that my entrance was more dramatic. After community service, I'll be back in action. I almost rubbed my hands together with anticipation.

"Just to... make sure that before wasn't all a dream."

The Living. Always worrying about their dreams. I sat down on her bed, relaxing against her pillows.

"It wasn't, babes. I'm just fine."

"Then why are you wearing that awful outfit?"

A question that was actually meant to be answered. I rarely got those. She didn't remark about me taking up her bed, but she did take the covers off of me, wrapping them around her. I ran my hand through my greasy, blonde hair.

"You don't like it?" I transformed my head into a Coco Chanel's. "I made it myself."

Lydia laughed a little. Not a lot, but enough.

"Nice. Seriously, though, are you alright?"

Rain began to beat down on her windows. I laid there as she continued to stare at me. I opened my mouth, but then closed it. Lydia Deetz, the woman of my nightmares, continued to wait expectantly. I frowned, and smacked my lips. Here it goes. I opened my mouth.

Nothing.

I was... what do you people call it? Speechless?

The rain continued to pound down and I continued to be silent, getting increasingly frustrated at my inability to talk. It was a long time before Lydia put me out of my misery. She hugged her knees, shrugging.

"It's okay if you don't want to tell me."

My feet began to kick. Why couldn't I say something? She wanted to know, dammit! After pacing around for a good five minutes, I sighed, letting my shoulders slump forward. I turned to face her, tired.

"What is this?"

She bit her bottom lip.

"I'm not exactly sure."

"Great." I snarled, kicking at a dusty pair of socks. "Perfect!"

"Sorry! I'll let you go."

_I'll let you go._ More like she'll let me go back to washing tile number four hundred sixty—

"Tell me something, babes." I cleared my throat. "Are you still afraid of me?"

Lydia Deetz, epitome of my despair, tilted her head to the side, her eyes never leaving mine. I watched as her lips parted lightly, those lips that were once thin had now grown into quite the luscious pair.

"No." Her eyes were slightly crinkled, as if she couldn't believe her own revelation. "No. I'm not." I almost sighed. "You've certainly calmed down."

"I have to." I snarled. "I'll be back."

"I'm sure you will."

"I'm not lying!"

"Of course not." She yawned. "I'm sure you'll be bothering some other family." Why did she have to be so cool and collected? Wasn't that my job? Since when did I fret? Ugh! "The reason I called you back is because... I hated you." She blinked slowly. "I hated you so much, B. You have no idea." The nickname she had called me cause me to stop pacing. "It consumed me. I wanted nothing more than you to die, to be in pain for what you had done to Adam, Barbara, and my family." Her voice cracked, and she took a few moments to compose herself. "But then... Adam told me that... without you, they wouldn't have been around... and my life certainly wouldn't have taken the turn that it did."

"I was angry when he said that. I threw things, I called him an idiot. I asked him why he could forgive you so easily." She sighed. "But I knew he was right. After all the rage, all that was left was a despair and it would have killed me, B, if I didn't forgive you."

My mouth was more dry than usual.

"You want to forgive me?"

"Yes." She looked away from me, hugging her pillow. The one that I had just been laying on. "And to say that... I'm glad that you're alright."

Oh.

Shit.

"Um, you're welcome?" I waggled my eyebrows. "Call me again if you want to make sure _everything_ is alright."

Lydia Deetz, woman of my nightmares who was happy that I wasn't some rotting corpse in a cold and damp world, smiled.

"Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice!"

IV

I rubbed my eyes, staring down at the mop. Juno wasn't waiting for me, which was astonishing, seeing as how I was gone for at least twenty, thirty minutes. I grabbed the mop and raced down the hallway.

I would have to finish the service fast and get my old threads back. Smiling, I had the tiles cleaned in a matter of minutes. Juno appeared, wanting to know _why_ had I had suddenly gained _enthusiasm_.

Well, I didn't want to be underdressed when Lydia summoned me again, did I?

Funny how things work out.

The End

V

A/N: I hope you guys liked this. Please tell me what you think. Review!

-mia


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